Appreciating Trees, Ourselves and Others

What a nice palm tree.

On my walk this morning, I was reminded of a classic exercise in non-judgement: to learn from how we observe trees. It’s pretty simple. When was the last time you judged a tree?

Walking in the forest or down a neighborhood street, my thoughts are never “Wow that tree is horrible. That tree is too big or too small.” I’d bet your experience is similar – we simply appreciate the trees. Perhaps we wonder about the animals living in the branches, or get curious what type of tree it is. Admire its variegated skin and wind swept texture. We might wonder how old the tree is, or be reminded how it will likely outlive us. Maybe we marvel in the miracle of a tree sprouting from a little seed.

As much as I’d love to say I never judge others or myself, I confess: there’s a pernicious judgmental voice running in my head. It’s rarely satisfied with me and my efforts. It shouts “you’re not enough!” at myself and others. Needless to say that voice is not very nice.

While I type, there’s a twinge of that judge voice saying “people are going to judge you for being judgmental!” Yet, I write and share about this voice because I know that voice is not actually me, and I know it’s not a unique experience.

I spend a lot of time cultivating mindfulness… To watch the way my mind creates expectations, to watch the way I get into judging mind. I try little techniques, none of which work, but I try them anyway [emphasis added]. Like I am such a judgmental person because I am so judgmental of myself cause I’m not perfect and I just can’t accept that I’m not perfect. And I judge everybody as not good enough – especially the people I work with - because they’re extensions of myself and I can’t stand their impurities. It’s very hard on all of them. But it’s hard on me too! [chuckling] I try an exercise: every time I saw my self judging, the moment I noticed it, which I usually don’t when I’m judging, that the minute I noticed it to immediately substitute it for appreciation.

– Ram Dass

If Ram Dass struggles with the judging mind, we’re in good company as we do this work! In our heart of hearts, we are not defined by our automatic thoughts. Rather, how do we act and speak? How do we choose to think once we notice the judging mind? Can we do the work to guide our thoughts towards the values we truly want to live out?

So I do the very imperfect work of weakening judgmental thoughts. It’s not silencing them, or abolishing them. But acknowledging them and not feeding them when they arise. In saying “Hello, Judge. I see you. I understand that you are trying to help. But you are not helping. I choose to appreciate that person. To appreciate myself. To celebrate the dance of life, not criticize it.”

There’s a polar opposite where everything is ok, nothing is verboten. Yet I’m not advocating that extreme. Feedback can be helpful when used as a medium for our growth, or as information to adjust course. I’m hoping we can cultivate the discernment to know the difference between a genuine desire to improve, and the kind of baseless self-flagellation that only serves to cut us and others down. It’s not easy to work with our unsavory patterns, and it takes time. But what might be possible when we operate from a warmth of appreciation for ourselves and our fellow human beings? To acknowledge a trajectory for self-improvement and growth, yet not beat ourselves senseless over it?

Personally, that’s a future I’m interested in. I appreciate the trees and birds chirping. I appreciate myself and I appreciate you. Thank you for reading, thank you for your intention and have a peaceful day. 🙏